Are you ready to order, Mr Burns?

Following on from my last post, I cannot resist the temptation to recount an anecdote about Groucho Marx and George Burns. I always called it 'The Sea Bass Joke', which annoyed everyone I told it to because it wasn't a joke but a true story. As I was the only one who thought it was funny I used to tell it all the time. Years on, many old pals are still waiting for the punchline.

Every Friday at the Hillcrest Club, Grouch Marx, George Burns and other friends used to meet up for lunch. Without fail, when the waiter turned to him, Burns would order the sea bass. And without fail, Marx would immediately start singing 'You've got to Sea Bass every night, or you can't Sea Bass at all'. . . which was a corruption of the old Sophie Tucker classic, 'You've Got To See Mamma Every Night'. Nobody but Marx found this funny, but as he knew it needled Burns to the point of despair he delivered it deadpan, right on cue, every Friday lunchtime.

Burns had had enough. One day, he decided to whisper it into the ear of the waiter so Marx wouldn't get the same effect from his interloping. But Burns had been outsmarted. On whispering 'I'll have the sea bass' to the waiter, the waiter drew himself up to full height, pulled back his shoulders and began singing 'You've got to Sea Bass every night, or you can't Sea Bass at all.' Marx had privately warned him that Burns would probably try this tactic one day, and had paid him a nice fat tip to do the singing instead when the time came.

Burns was disconsolate. He started eating fillet steak on Fridays.